16 April 2020
Ok, so on the eve of lockdown I made a conscious decision, in the company of friends, that I would use my time in isolation wisely. I would organise the cupboards in my house that are stuffed with god only knows what, hang all the pictures we have accumulated over the last 6 years, fill up the empty photo frames that hang slightly crooked in my hallway, learn Italian, paint the outside of the house etc etc. Basically everything that probably everyone else has vowed to do!
So it's day 24. Turns out that is motivation day! Get off your butt day and get your head in gear day!
I HAVE done some of the above but sadly not all or not enough. My days have been filled with repetitively clearing up behind the four boys of the house, cooking, cleaning, shopping for essentials that I didn't realize were essentials (apart from wine, I always knew that was essential).
The picture frames remain empty, the walls - semi bare, the house still needs painting, the cupboards still need sorting, paperwork needs filing and I am NOT fluent in Italian.
But... I have learned that I can home school (albeit still a learning curve), I can bake (with non essential items buried at the back of the cupboard), I can grow my own vegetables (but not cress apparently), I can see my family from all over the world more often than I thought (and enjoy it) and I can socialize with my friends and although I can't be near them I can feel them close to me always with a quick video exchange and it never ever fails to pick me up!
It has taken me until today, DAY 24, to learn that I don't need to feel guilty for taking time out, for taking a few moments to truly switch off and feel the sun on my face, to know that my kids don't need 24 hours on my mind, that the house can wait, that not everything needs to be done today.
I am lying on a sunny patch of decking in my garden with my (enormous) dog flaked out by my side feeling truly thankful and slightly overwhelmed that I am here in this moment with the freedom to choose, unapologetically, to do ALL of these things or NONE.
Life is a choice and every choice you make makes you. Choose wisely, choose consciously and choose to be happy.
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